(It’s one of those long posts today so get your coffee. :))
Back in April we had our wonderful, fragrant, yummy Sonoma Photography Workshop. I have yet to show you my special blog post for this workshop!
But today, I wanted to share with you about our Add On Day with Rick Chapman and some deeper lessons I learned in Portrait Photography.
Rick is an amazing photographer. He does wonderful portrait work for celebrity athletes. But he also has this HUGE heart that oozes out of him when he talks about his family or his photography. This is Rick with his little guy. (fyi, these great workshop images are by Garrett, our fearless Sonoma Workshop Host! Thanks Garrett!)

For the Add On Day, we were given the honor of going to Rick’s home in Stinson Beach. Wow, what a place of quiet inspiration!
He started our time by showing us a breathtaking book that was all about his wife, Leslie. Get this…every page of this book was a single portrait he had taken of Leslie over TEN years time. Rick told us he prepared this in secret and surprised Leslie. He described this as a personal project in documenting that constant, changing beauty of his wife over ten years time. (Oh my goodness, there wasn’t a dry eye in the room at this point!)

As Rick began to teach his approach to working with clients,

he described how he begins a portrait photo shoot. He first starts with one question, “What’s the one photo you’ve always wanted of yourself but never had?” He said that since his clients are often well known celebrities, they’ve had thousands of photo shoots done. So he likes to start with their desires. What a wonderful way to start a portrait shoot, don’t you think?
As the day unfolded, I told Rick there is a portrait I’ve always wanted of me and Brian that has never been done. I asked if he’d be open to trying this idea out while at the same time modeling a photo shoot for the group. Rick was more than willing.
I had no idea what kind of an impact this experience would have on me. Weeks later I’m still processing this photo shoot and the journey he took us on.

So what’s the portrait I’ve always wanted of me and Brian?
It’s a moment when we’re not laughing but the connection between us is ever there and powerful. If you’ve met us you know we laugh a lot together. When people take our picture we’re often being silly. But I’ve always wanted a more serious shot of us–something that reflects our deep losses, the pain we’ve gone through–and shows that their is beauty and life with these things in mind.
As a photographer, I find that sometimes it’s easier or more comfortable to encourage and capture the laughing kind of energy. It’s true to life too. It much easier to be with people who are having a good time, then to sit with someone who is suffering and know you have no answers. This is why I love the verse that says it’s better to visit the house mourning then the house of praise because what a gift it’s been when people have visited my uncomfortable house of mourning.
I told Rick about how we’ve gone through a lot of pain in our marriage. We’ve lost much and still carry the sadness from it. I told him that I want to believe beauty lives in the sadness too.
I want our kids to see that suffering doesn’t stop with the pain: the suffering can also create beauty and goodness. But then I told Rick my two fears. One, I was scared to go to that place with a photographer because it felt so vulnerable, and two, I was afraid that the more “serious shot” wouldn’t be “pretty”.
Pretty? It sounds petty, but it was how I felt. Would I myself see beauty in the serious shot or prefer to stay comfortable with the side of us that is fun? Rick being the safe and gentle artist he is created a space for Brian and I to risk discovering the answer for ourselves.
At first we were laughing because we were nervous. I think it was great for the women attendees to see that even though all three of us are professionals, it still takes work and a little time to get into the core of of your subject–no matter how much experience the photographer or clients have.
When the nervousness started to die down, Rick asked us to close our eyes and think of our children and the gift we have in them.

After a couple moments of our eyes being closed, he asked us to now open them and for me to look deep into the camera with all that I’m feeling.
This is what Rick captured.

He had Brian move behind me and play off the dynamics of our marriage. Brian is the total cuddler between us that often holds me together when I feel like I’m coming apart.

And an unexpected snuggle.

Rick helped Brian and I find a quiet place within ourselves. It didn’t come right away, but he guided us and then all of a sudden we were there. As he was shooting, I could feel the pain, the loss, and the energy of life. It was a moment of such enduring strength.

To have this photographed was an amazing gift.
I realized that even though I wanted these type of images done, I was afraid that I wouldn’t like what they looked like. Or better said, I wouldn’t like what I looked like. Was I comfortable seeing my own serious side, the part that feels the suffering more than the joy? Would I think this side of me was beautiful when captured in a portrait?
As you can imagine, so many lessons were taken from our time with Rick. I know the women who attended took away their own powerful lessons (maybe they’ll share some in the comments…:)). Not to mention how excited I am to ask my clients, “What’s the one photo you’ve always wanted of yourself but never had?” Can you imagine the diversity in answers you would get?!
Rick, thank you for helping us see that yes, their is beauty in the quietness, in the loss, and in the sadness.
We are in debt to you.